Exhaustion, Reflection & Strength….

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Please forgive my absence from all things Banana-rama-blog related over the last week or so. I’ve hit a brick wall, metaphorically speaking that is (phew, the family car is unscathed!). I’ve been exhausted, unable to do much apart from snooze at any given moment. WARNING: unattractive ‘cat nap’ picture to follow……

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The last time I felt this overwhelming sense of being utterly pooped (sorry if I’m sounding dramatic) was in the early baby haze-days. You know, those days & weeks following the arrival of your new addition? When you’re not able to comprehend much of anything. All you can think about is sleep: oh, & not forgetting of course, the all consuming emotions that grip your every waking moment!

The only other episode in my life I can relate this to, for those of my non-parent readers (aka. You well rested bunch) is at the age of Fourteen when I was ‘knocked for six’ by glandular-sodding-fever. Over night, I morphed from a teenager bursting at the seams with endless amounts of energy, into a shadow of myself: too weak to move, relegated on the sofa. Physically I felt like a ninety year old, with the smallest of movements being comparable to that of lifting a ten ton truck & depleting any strength I could fathom (ok, so I’ve never attempted to bench press a 10 ton truck, forgive my comparison!) School became sporadic for what felt like a few months: actually this was a saving grace for me-it meant I could escape those bullies & spend some precious time in the presence of my best friend, my mum.

After being surrounded by so many inspirational women, men, writers & bloggers recently, my mind has been running wild with ideas: the enthusiasm to express myself through my blog & writing has seen no end. But gathering the oomph to just open my adored laptop? Well, it’s been non-existent.

Being weighed down with a nasty viral infection has left me in emotional turmoil (along with physical weakness) Instinctively I don’t like to give up, fail*, or feel defeated (can you tell I’m a little competitive?). I’ve felt like a shit mum this week, instead of my usual chipper self, jumping at the chance to play ‘cars’ or ‘trucks’ & savor those precious moments with Bear, I’ve tried my best to coax him to the sofa for snuggles & lure him over with a DVD. For the most part, I can report we had success (the fact that he too has been under the weather, probably contributed to his willingness!).

During these times of fatigue, I find myself reflecting: *whispers* I’m not quite the ‘wonder woman’ I think I am (just don’t tell Mr. Banana pants I told you that). I don’t possess any super powers, & sometimes (just sometimes) I have to learn to accept I simply must rest & recoup. These moments of contemplation can only make me stronger (I tell myself).

Giving yourself the time & head space to explore your inner thoughts can help you find a new perspective on issues: it encourages you to generate new ideas to push yourself forward.

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It may sound like utter nonsense to some people, but for me, allowing myself to break away from life’s daily routines & just.do.nothing whilst my body recovers is quite a liberating process: & For a control freak like me, quite an achievement. I realize that in order to be the Best Mummy possible, I need to be the best me possible. To truly ‘savor’ the precious moments with Bear, I need to have a clear, fresh head & not be clouded by so many distractions.

I think above all, the most vital lesson I’ve gained this week is: we must all listen to our bodies more, tune in to our needs. Instinct? That’s our sixth sense & no medical degree can compete against human instinct. Having a rest, or a break from the norm is not showing defeat. It shows strength. I am strong, & I will continue to build upon my mental & physical tenacity, throughout life. Having a little set back, a bump in the road is all part of our journey.

journey, destination, quote, motivation, cool bananas, cool bananas blog, blogger, lifestyle blogger, success, failure, strength* I appreciated the term ‘fail’ or ‘failure’ is a very subjective one. This is my personal opinion & how I’m feeling right now. I accept there are many different levels of failure, & yes, I am pretty harsh on myself.

I promise that once this cloud of ‘blergh’ has lifted (be gone virus!), the loveable, bubbly crazy banana lady you all know SHALL return!! Thank you to every single one of you who has sent me well wishes. Fear not, Bananas shall rise again!

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26 responses

  1. I hope that you are feeling better soon. I think we all need a rest at times. I have needed a rest and some ‘me’ time for several months now. I keep plodding on though and I don’t think that is the best thing for me. A rest would rejuvenate me. Hopefully over the summer holidays, I will get day to myself. Make the most of the snuggles with your little one x. Thanks for linking up to #binkylinky

  2. I’ve been feeling a little like this since Brit Mums- just a little overwhelmed and I can’t quite explain why. I feel like my blog is a little stale but I don’t know how to change that so just going to continue how I am for the time being and see how I get on. Plus I think summer just means things are so busy that I don’t have as much time for the online side of my life. Sorry you have been feeling so rough, it’s horrible isn’t it? Hope you feel better soon! x

  3. Aw great post! Hope you’re feeling like a top banana again now! I think this post is a nice reminder that to be the best mummy you do need to just take time for yourself to unwind and get a clear head – illness doesn’t have to be the only time – so that you have renewed energy to give the attention and imagination they deserve. xx

  4. Sorry you’re feeling so rubbish at the moment and I hope you get better soon. You’re definitely not a shit mum, you just sound quite worn out and need to give yourself a break lady! Ok? Cool bananas ;) xx #PoCoLo

  5. Aww bless, I hope you feel better soon :/ There seems to be a lot of viral infections going around at the moment, I’m currently off with labrynthitis, not fun at all. I love your sleeping mask though, love the ‘cat nap’ :)

    Georgina
    http://www.mummy-pixie.com
    #binkylinky

  6. This is so weird but I am awfully awfully tired too today. Woke up early cuz my son needs to go to his new school for some test class. Then walked back with him on my shoulder again to feed him and went back to school for his preschool class. When I got home earlier I cant move and I think my brain shutted down a bit. I was able to recover now only to go back to school a wee bit later to pick my son up. I really need to rest and exercise. I am always sluggish. I have anemia too. This post is so spot on, at least for me. #MMWBH

  7. I hope you’re better very soon. Its tough when you’re so busy and have no time to really rest you eventually hit a wall and really really need to take it easy. I am guilty of this too – I usually then spend a whole weekend moping about in my pjs.

  8. Life gets so busy and overwhelming and we wrap ourselves up so much into it that sometimes we burst. Relaxing and a break every once in a while is a necessity for ourselves as much as for everyone else too. If we aren’t ok we aren’t any good to anyone else. I hope you kick your feet up take that break and rejuvenate. I bet little one is loving all the dvd cuddles too! Thank you so much for your continual support and linking up to Share With Me. You always write such motivating posts too and inspirational. Love it. Get better my lovely! Sending love from state side. #sharewithme

  9. Oh bless you beautiful lady and being under the weather! *sends you some Irish luck to get well SOON* – Being poorly and then being poorly WITH a tiny human to care for and look after makes being poorly ten.times.worse.

    I do hope you bounce back soon *sends more jolly lucky good-vibes* and thanks for taking the time to link up to #MMWBH xxx

  10. Ah so sorry you’ve not been well, I didn’t know :( I do hope that perky little banana is on the rise lol! (sounds rude or is that just me?!). I relate to you trying to be super woman and admitting that actually you’re not….it’s a tough one for us strong types. I’ve had a few moments like that, post Britmums too. Get well soon lady x x

  11. Hope you’re on the mend real soon! Totally agree here, one of my favourite lyrics is from a Beth Orton song: ‘regrets are just lessons we haven’t learnt yet’. As long as you learn from your mistakes, they aren’t failures. Great post #sharewithme

  12. Oh honey, you really are a top banana and definitely the top banana in bear’s book. So sorry you’ve been feeling like this. Be gone virus! I can relate to the feelings of failure and being overwhelmed. It sounds like you are using the time to reflect really well though. I know you’ll bounce back. You’re amazing. xxx

  13. Poor you, hope you feel much better soon lovely :-( I agree that it’s important to rest and just have some chill out time, and time away from everything. No one can sustain a ‘full-on-ness’ (That’s SO a word!) all the time. I often have about 4 or 5 days when I get LOADS done and feel super-productive, and then a few when I can’t be bothered/don’t feel up to it. We can’t be super-human all the time. I swear Britmums and all the air con there has given loads of people the lurgy!

  14. Ah sorry to hear you have been feeling so rough, it sucks doesn’t it? Early pregnancy has that affect on me, just completely lacking in energy! You are so right about listening to your body and stopping when it tells you you need to rest. I really hope you feel better and are back to your normal bouncy self again soon :) xx #sharewithme

  15. You make sure you take all the time you need lovely lovely banana lady to get all of your super powers back!!! I wish I looked as amazing as that during my naps….or ever haha!!

    I’m so sorry that you have been feeling so rotten lovely, sending warm sunshine, coconut water (in a coconut….with an umbrella obvs!! No rum because you’re poorly) and hugs from coconut town to make you better xxxxx

  16. Get well soon hon. I don’t think I’ve succumbed to an illness since I started blogging but I guess it would lay you a bit low and make you want to take a step back for a bit. Missed you on Little Loves last week! X #allaboutyou

  17. You are so right that just sometimes, once in a while we need to stop, recover and re-charge. I was pretty ill last week but just continued and felt awful. Finally one day I dropped my daughter to school, came home and got back in bed for 2 hours which I NEVER do no matter what. But my body really needed it. Despite this I felt guilty! When will we learn? Hope you feel better soon.

  18. Oh my lovely lady! You know what I have been ill since Thursday. I wonder if we had the same thing? Seriously I was so tired and felt gross that for a scary mo I thought I was preggers. EEK. We do need a rest ever so often. I defo every few months go a bit into myself. I used to socialise lots during the week and had to knock that on the head as I was exhausting myself. Have a nice pamper. And a nice sleep and cuddles with your boy xxx

  19. Bless you babe. You’re so right, we need to listen to our bodies sometimes even if superwoman is bursting to get out. We are no good to anybody if we don’t. It’s probably great therapy for you to actually write it all down too and I’m sure Bear loves his DVD cuddles with you just as much if not more, than his truck and car playing with you! Hopefully the nasty virus will be gone soon and we will have you back with us! Lots of love xx

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