Please forgive my absence from all things Banana-rama-blog related over the last week or so. I’ve hit a brick wall, metaphorically speaking that is (phew, the family car is unscathed!). I’ve been exhausted, unable to do much apart from snooze at any given moment. WARNING: unattractive ‘cat nap’ picture to follow……
The last time I felt this overwhelming sense of being utterly pooped (sorry if I’m sounding dramatic) was in the early baby haze-days. You know, those days & weeks following the arrival of your new addition? When you’re not able to comprehend much of anything. All you can think about is sleep: oh, & not forgetting of course, the all consuming emotions that grip your every waking moment!
The only other episode in my life I can relate this to, for those of my non-parent readers (aka. You well rested bunch) is at the age of Fourteen when I was ‘knocked for six’ by glandular-sodding-fever. Over night, I morphed from a teenager bursting at the seams with endless amounts of energy, into a shadow of myself: too weak to move, relegated on the sofa. Physically I felt like a ninety year old, with the smallest of movements being comparable to that of lifting a ten ton truck & depleting any strength I could fathom (ok, so I’ve never attempted to bench press a 10 ton truck, forgive my comparison!) School became sporadic for what felt like a few months: actually this was a saving grace for me-it meant I could escape those bullies & spend some precious time in the presence of my best friend, my mum.
After being surrounded by so many inspirational women, men, writers & bloggers recently, my mind has been running wild with ideas: the enthusiasm to express myself through my blog & writing has seen no end. But gathering the oomph to just open my adored laptop? Well, it’s been non-existent.
Being weighed down with a nasty viral infection has left me in emotional turmoil (along with physical weakness) Instinctively I don’t like to give up, fail*, or feel defeated (can you tell I’m a little competitive?). I’ve felt like a shit mum this week, instead of my usual chipper self, jumping at the chance to play ‘cars’ or ‘trucks’ & savor those precious moments with Bear, I’ve tried my best to coax him to the sofa for snuggles & lure him over with a DVD. For the most part, I can report we had success (the fact that he too has been under the weather, probably contributed to his willingness!).
During these times of fatigue, I find myself reflecting: *whispers* I’m not quite the ‘wonder woman’ I think I am (just don’t tell Mr. Banana pants I told you that). I don’t possess any super powers, & sometimes (just sometimes) I have to learn to accept I simply must rest & recoup. These moments of contemplation can only make me stronger (I tell myself).
Giving yourself the time & head space to explore your inner thoughts can help you find a new perspective on issues: it encourages you to generate new ideas to push yourself forward.
It may sound like utter nonsense to some people, but for me, allowing myself to break away from life’s daily routines & just.do.nothing whilst my body recovers is quite a liberating process: & For a control freak like me, quite an achievement. I realize that in order to be the Best Mummy possible, I need to be the best me possible. To truly ‘savor’ the precious moments with Bear, I need to have a clear, fresh head & not be clouded by so many distractions.
I think above all, the most vital lesson I’ve gained this week is: we must all listen to our bodies more, tune in to our needs. Instinct? That’s our sixth sense & no medical degree can compete against human instinct. Having a rest, or a break from the norm is not showing defeat. It shows strength. I am strong, & I will continue to build upon my mental & physical tenacity, throughout life. Having a little set back, a bump in the road is all part of our journey.
* I appreciated the term ‘fail’ or ‘failure’ is a very subjective one. This is my personal opinion & how I’m feeling right now. I accept there are many different levels of failure, & yes, I am pretty harsh on myself.
I promise that once this cloud of ‘blergh’ has lifted (be gone virus!), the loveable, bubbly crazy banana lady you all know SHALL return!! Thank you to every single one of you who has sent me well wishes. Fear not, Bananas shall rise again!