Remembering To Remember & Trying To Forget….

Remembering to remember & trying to forget: navigating the emotional rollercoaster of being a parent.

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Now, if only i could remember….& then forget!


Everybody is probably aware of those ‘viral’ articles on the web about ‘You know you’re a mom when’. Now, I’m not using these examples to spark a debate, that’s for other folk to do. Nope, I’m going to hold my hands up & admit I ticked the box for a number of these ‘examples’! The one that occurs frequently in Cool Bananas HQ is: Laundry. I’ve lost count of the multiple times spent rewashing the same load, because I always forget to remove it from the machine! & With a toddler ruling the roost, I can hardly blame ‘baby brain’ for this now.

Then it occurred to me: once we all become parents (fathers included) something odd happens to our memory. There are certain aspects from this magical pilgrimage of raising wild ones children, which remain crystal clear: You’ll never forget them, & you can recall certain events with such clarity-creating a crisp image & an entertaining story.

As an example, aged 29, my parents still take great pleasure in recalling a potty training blunder (to all who will listen), where by I decided to mark my territory behind the sofa (it wasn’t of the wee variety, I hear you asking.) I was 1 & a bit at the time. Yet nearing on 30 years later, these shenanigans, when described by my dad, sound as though they could have happened yesterday (I assure you, it didn’t!) If however, you ask him which clothes he wore on a set day last week, or what he had for dinner you’d probably be met with a blank stare.

To describe ‘parent life’ as busy is a complete understatement. It simply cannot be explained, or comprehended until you are bestowed with the honour. Our minds are like a sponge: soaking up information we deem important enough for our limited memory capacity (I’m certainly due an upgrade to the next gigabyte, please) Therefore it goes without saying, we’re set on a constant filter mode, to help sift our way through a staggering amount of information overload (AKA the bull shit): now so readily available at our finger tips, thanks to modern technology.

As long as I don’t loose sight of what truly matters, & remember the most important ‘ordinary moments’ in my book I’m a marching success.

Yes, I forget to do the washing, or leave it in the machine long enough so that it can gather a moldy, rotten aroma. I also happen to rather conveniently ‘forget’ to clean the house, put the washing away, or tidy up far.too.often. I have occasionally (& ashamedly) been known to forget what time I am due to collect Lord Snotface from nursery. I forget to respond to friends & their messages (for which, I am sorry) I often forget some of the things I say in conversation-this could be explained by the fact I talk quite a bit too much (apologies again, I’m a motor-mouth). I forget names: I try my hardest to remember but some days these just escape me. & Lets not mention the lost car/ house keys, & those sunglasses (they always turn up on your head!) My mind is on constant overdrive, so I think I can be forgiven for this forgetfulness?

However, there are some things, no matter how fatigued your mind is, you’ll never forget. Ever. These thoughts can come flooding to you at any given moment, anywhere. They can be triggered by the happiest & saddest of events, or by spending a moment in silence. Regrettably, they’re not always happy thoughts.

You’ll never forget how much you love your child. That mind boggling, unexplainable sense of pride, warmth & ‘I would do anything for you’. These moments of pure love consume me frequently, daily. & I count my blessings for experiencing such an out-of-this-world kinda love.

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& You’ll never forget events from your past that have contributed towards the individual you are in the present. Trying to forget? That’s impossible. & For no apparent reason, this week I’ve struggled to try & forget some events from history. The sense of sadness they conjure up within me are wasted, they serve no purpose & only result in tears, more questions & an increased sense of fear for the future. Loss: a heart breaking, devastating sense of bereavement. *whispers* The M word, miscarriage.

This scenario, as sad as it is to share, is an ordinary moment I find myself battling with: an ordinary moment of remembrance, & trying to forget.

Please don’t view this as me seeking your sympathy vote, that’s not my intention: in truth I struggle to articulate & express myself. By making the discovery that these moments of reflection are perfectly ordinary, I realise that I am just a mere mortal, not quite the ‘Super-human, wonder-woman’ I perhaps kid myself to be!

In my efforts of trying to forget, I will always remember the here & now: appreciate what I have, count my blessings & not live in the past…...

Until the next wave of emotions rear their ugly head.

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26 responses

  1. Totally with you on the removing the washing long enough so it’s smelling damp and mouldy, totally with you about parents remembering things like they happened yesterday…totally with you on so much – including the M word. Twice for me!

    Our memories are so selective and often I wonder why don’t they make the right damned selection ;)

    Loved reading you Katrina! I’m constantly saying I need to be more organised with reading others blogs and I’m going to have to add you to that list :) x

  2. A beautiful post Katrina. I know just how those emotions can catch you when you’re least expecting them; you can’t control them no matter how hard you try. Things do get easier though and you will find a way to manage them, but no one forgets. It just becomes part of your story, part of you. Sending you lots of love xx
    Ps who cares about smelly washing anyway?! ;)

  3. Oh hunny, once you become a parent all sorts of funky things happen. I admittedly do the washing debarkle myself. On countless occasions is a clean batch of laundry, re-washed! I am forever baffled where this item has went {no doubt hijacked by tiny fingers} and more. After five kids I am surprised I know where my mouth is half the time due to forgetfulness! lol

    Also a side note…I know you wouldn’t be seeking sympathy…but my heart is sad for the battle you’re trying to conquer everyday sweetie. Thanks so much for sharing this fab post with #MMWBH xx

  4. The mind is a funny thing isn’t it, letting go with immediacy of some things and holding on to others – some which you want to forget, and some, like an M which you feel you should forget but also should not. I’ve been there. It’s hard. And it doesn’t get forgotten. It is part of who we are. Thanks for linking to #AllAboutYou

  5. What a beautiful posts, and I love the photos too. Your life really does change when you become a parent. Now please excuse me, I have some laundry to wash again…
    x x

  6. I remember him, my son sleeping on my tummy a day after I gave birth to him. Every time I transfer him to say the cot, or the bed he would cry and would only stop when he is back on top of my tummy. I have to admit that my son is just 4 and the vividness of this might be cuz its not too far from my mind. But I wont forget these things. It is with me. It saves me from going bonkers. Small things that makes motherhood enjoyable for me.

    This post is so nice. Made me remember small things that matters =) #sharewithme

  7. Ah Katrina I completely understand what you’re saying – I recently lost all of my *most important* pieces of make up after dumping them somewhere the boy wouldn’t get them (later on discovered to be the kitchen scales on the window sill!). Almost worse than losing your car keys ;-) (for me anyway!). I have not experienced the M word personally but I have friends who have and I’m sure this is something that is impossible to put behind you ever but hopefully your beautiful boy will provide a wealth of memories to ease that loss xxx #sharewithme

  8. Yep, baby brain stays with you I’m afraid. I have three school aged kids and I have to write everything down – where they are on what days, what clubs they are doing, what their names are etc. (only joking about the last one). I have a five column calendar and a spreadsheet on the fridge and I still forget things!

  9. Aww lovely post and I am with you 100% on this. My memory is shockingly bad these days, and it drives me mad! Hubby has an incredible long term memory and can remember loads from when he was a kid, but his short term memory his appalling, and that drives me mad too ;). I am really fortunate in that I haven’t suffered the loss you have, though I have suffered other losses and been through some terrible times and sadly it is those things that are just impossible to forget. I just hope that all our lovely memories with our kiddies over the years will push the less nice memories further back. lovely post xx

  10. I can’t really imagine how hard it must have been to live through a miscarriage, I am awful at forgetting difficult things….I wear them on my soul like too much heavy baggage.

    And like you say, it is odd how we can so easily forget everything else (I am also awful with names, laundry, cleaning, keys, and often forget entire conversations I’ve had with people), and yet the bad stuff stays just a little too long in our psyche.

    So happy I stopped by today and had a read, what a great post.

    Angie from reasons to dress, fashion, real mom street style & life as a North American mom in Italy.

  11. Such a well written post. It’s so important to allow yourself to remember and forget. It’s something that doesn’t always come naturally to me either, but it really does matter.

  12. Brilliant! I too (regularly) leave the washing in the machine and have to rewash – occasionally multiple times. And isn’t that aroma of stale washing so special?? As for the things you do remember. I find it happens at the strangest times – something will just pop into your head, out of nowhere, be it a happy time or a sad time. Like right now, reading this having laughed at the washing machine comment I am now on the verge of becoming emotional.. xx #MMWBH

  13. What a lovely post, made me feel a bit teary! I can totally relate to parenting being an emotional rollercoaster, the ups and downs are more than I ever thought i’d experience. Oh, and I ALWAYS rewash clothes a million times!

  14. Ok Katrina, Katrina, Katrina. I just LOVE the way you bare your soul.

    You really do have a way with words and this post is beautiful. Truly lovely. I’m so sorry to hear about your loss but I am delighted that motherhood has also brought you immense joy.

    Life is just a series of up and downs, smiles and frowns, and all we can do is try and appreciate what we have and take something from each day, even the god damn awful ones.

    SO pleased I’ve found your blog and I can’t bloomin’ wait to meet you at the weekend! :)

    With love (and cheeky pouts) Katie x

  15. Oh lovely. Sorry about the M word. It is hard to forget horrible things isn’t it?? Lovely post and I shall be honest? I sometimes wash a load a few times as I forget and you know what I also do?? Wash my hair a few times as I forget if I have put shampoo in. That’s proper mad xxx

  16. Like you i have been struggling to understand why my mind seems to remember some things and not others. To be fair, these days it is more of the ‘not’. I hope you can take comfort in knowing that you are definately not alone, in everything you write here x

  17. Such a beautiful post hun which I can relate too. Our washing always seems to go in twice as I am always forgetting it’s in there (or I find something else to do, lol!)

  18. Oh hun, that’s a lovely sentiment; so very true. You write beautifully. And as for the ordinary moments… It’s the perfect moments that grow out of the ordinary ones. Xx

  19. This is absolutely beautiful Katrina- honestly it is. You write so well, I just find myself nodding along constantly. (I think I have told you that before) I can relate to many of these things, not however the loss thing, I think that writing is such a form of therapy and you can tell this from the way you have written this post. I know you are not asking for sympathy but I think those things can define and change a woman and I am sorry for that. I definitely can relate to the washing in the machine- as we speak the washing machine is on doing the same load for the second time! ;) x

  20. Such a beautiful post that so many of us or all of us in fact can relate. Such lovely words too katrina. Love the photo. It’s beautiful. You couldn’t be more right. #ordinarymoments

    • Thank you ever so much for linking up to Share With Me. Great post as I said above but worth a second blog comment love too for sharing. #sharewithme

  21. I know you’re not seeking sympathy, but I am sorry that you’re also part of the club no one ever wants to join. It’s one of those things that you never forget, but sometimes get a little taken aback by when the memories come flooding to the fore uninvited – oh and you’re also not the only one that forgets about washing in the machine!!

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