Remembering to remember & trying to forget: navigating the emotional rollercoaster of being a parent.
Everybody is probably aware of those ‘viral’ articles on the web about ‘You know you’re a mom when’. Now, I’m not using these examples to spark a debate, that’s for other folk to do. Nope, I’m going to hold my hands up & admit I ticked the box for a number of these ‘examples’! The one that occurs frequently in Cool Bananas HQ is: Laundry. I’ve lost count of the multiple times spent rewashing the same load, because I always forget to remove it from the machine! & With a toddler ruling the roost, I can hardly blame ‘baby brain’ for this now.
Then it occurred to me: once we all become parents (fathers included) something odd happens to our memory. There are certain aspects from this magical pilgrimage of raising wild ones children, which remain crystal clear: You’ll never forget them, & you can recall certain events with such clarity-creating a crisp image & an entertaining story.
As an example, aged 29, my parents still take great pleasure in recalling a potty training blunder (to all who will listen), where by I decided to mark my territory behind the sofa (it wasn’t of the wee variety, I hear you asking.) I was 1 & a bit at the time. Yet nearing on 30 years later, these shenanigans, when described by my dad, sound as though they could have happened yesterday (I assure you, it didn’t!) If however, you ask him which clothes he wore on a set day last week, or what he had for dinner you’d probably be met with a blank stare.
To describe ‘parent life’ as busy is a complete understatement. It simply cannot be explained, or comprehended until you are bestowed with the honour. Our minds are like a sponge: soaking up information we deem important enough for our limited memory capacity (I’m certainly due an upgrade to the next gigabyte, please) Therefore it goes without saying, we’re set on a constant filter mode, to help sift our way through a staggering amount of information overload (AKA the bull shit): now so readily available at our finger tips, thanks to modern technology.
As long as I don’t loose sight of what truly matters, & remember the most important ‘ordinary moments’ in my book I’m a marching success.
Yes, I forget to do the washing, or leave it in the machine long enough so that it can gather a moldy, rotten aroma. I also happen to rather conveniently ‘forget’ to clean the house, put the washing away, or tidy up far.too.often. I have occasionally (& ashamedly) been known to forget what time I am due to collect Lord Snotface from nursery. I forget to respond to friends & their messages (for which, I am sorry) I often forget some of the things I say in conversation-this could be explained by the fact I talk quite a bit too much (apologies again, I’m a motor-mouth). I forget names: I try my hardest to remember but some days these just escape me. & Lets not mention the lost car/ house keys, & those sunglasses (they always turn up on your head!) My mind is on constant overdrive, so I think I can be forgiven for this forgetfulness?
However, there are some things, no matter how fatigued your mind is, you’ll never forget. Ever. These thoughts can come flooding to you at any given moment, anywhere. They can be triggered by the happiest & saddest of events, or by spending a moment in silence. Regrettably, they’re not always happy thoughts.
You’ll never forget how much you love your child. That mind boggling, unexplainable sense of pride, warmth & ‘I would do anything for you’. These moments of pure love consume me frequently, daily. & I count my blessings for experiencing such an out-of-this-world kinda love.
& You’ll never forget events from your past that have contributed towards the individual you are in the present. Trying to forget? That’s impossible. & For no apparent reason, this week I’ve struggled to try & forget some events from history. The sense of sadness they conjure up within me are wasted, they serve no purpose & only result in tears, more questions & an increased sense of fear for the future. Loss: a heart breaking, devastating sense of bereavement. *whispers* The M word, miscarriage.
This scenario, as sad as it is to share, is an ordinary moment I find myself battling with: an ordinary moment of remembrance, & trying to forget.
Please don’t view this as me seeking your sympathy vote, that’s not my intention: in truth I struggle to articulate & express myself. By making the discovery that these moments of reflection are perfectly ordinary, I realise that I am just a mere mortal, not quite the ‘Super-human, wonder-woman’ I perhaps kid myself to be!
In my efforts of trying to forget, I will always remember the here & now: appreciate what I have, count my blessings & not live in the past…...
Until the next wave of emotions rear their ugly head.