Separation Pains

Separation Pains-The first night away from bear

This week has been a complete mixture of bittersweet memories & emotions for me: on the one hand I’ve been put through the mill of surgery, recovery & my very first night away from bear *sob*. Yet on the other hand, I’ve experienced complete elation to find out I’ve been shortlisted for a blogging award (I feel like one of the cool kids for a change!) Two completely opposite sides of the ‘emotional’ spectrum there, I think you’d agree? In all honesty, I’m not entirely sure if any of these events from the past week have quite sunk in just yet (I’m blaming the darn anaesthetic!).

ordinary moment, hospital, bibs, awards, cool bananas, cool bananas blogChoosing to write down & record this perfectly ordinary moment of my very first night spent away from bear, is one that I’m so pleased to have captured, but I’m painfully aware may cause a stir amongst y’all out there: For I cannot count the amount of times others have deemed it necessary to criticise me for not doing this sooner (bear is 2)- fellow parents & non parents alike. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for opinions: Opinions are great, they make the world go round & life more interesting. But, please, it is perfectly acceptable to Agree to disagree….I am not a child, please do not tell me what I should or shouldn’t do: I’ve developed a coping mechanism for reacting to these do-gooders: Smile & nod, smile & nod. Rant over, lets continue!

Please understand this: I have no problem with parents who are happy & comfortable to leave their precious kiddisquinkles in the capable hands of rellies or babysitters overnight-in fact kudos to them. I applaud you for being brave & confident enough to do this. Truth be told, I’m a bit of a control freak & my OCD kinda flips into overdrive at the thought of bear’s routine going out of sink. Oh & I find it really really difficult to trust people. Yup folks, I’ve got trust issues (quick send me to the Therapy chair!).

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Image credit.

I’ve also had no need or desire to be apart from snotface at night. No offers have presented themselves which have been too good to refuse: a 5* spa break, a weekend away to the sun? Nope. So frankly I’ve been happy to return home to the comfort of my own bed. I’ve just not been emotional ready to face it & I guess I’ve actually been putting it off.

On Tuesday I had to have some planned surgery, all rather routine to the medical world but a teeny bit daunting to me nonetheless. Scheduled as ‘day surgery’ I expected to return home on the same day & naïvely thought that being the fit & healthy gal I am, I’d bounce back immediately & return to normality pronto! Oh Katrina….tut tut, that was so wrong. I didn’t head into theatre until late afternoon, so it was obvious early on this ‘day surgery’ case would likely overspill slightly. I had difficulty recovering & awakening from the anaesthetic. Is it wrong that I was actually kinda looking forward to a little bit of peaceful sleep? (& Even 5 days post op, I’m still feeling very spaced out) I physical couldn’t move, couldn’t drink or eat. & For a control freak like moi this is not a good place to be, thank goodness then I was far too woozy to absorb most of this.

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The decision to stay in hospital overnight therefore was taken out of my hands, & despite being drugged up to my eyeballs, even I could see this was the best decision given the circumstances. A drip had to be administered & constant obs taken throughout the night (What happened to my dreamy thought of a perfectly serene sleep?!)

hospital, surgery, cool bananas, cool bananas blog

My bed for the night….

Given my hesitance (or perhaps that should be defiance) to leave bear overnight, I was pleasantly surprised by my reaction: I felt perfectly happy & calm for this to occur. Admittedly, there wasn’t really much leeway on the decision & I believe ultimately this assisted in calming my nerves.

Although the situation surrounding my first night of ‘child’ separation left a slightly bitter taste in my mouth, it’s given me the assurance to know that I can cope with a bit of distance between us. Bear was fine, he didn’t fall apart (or break) & he managed to stay out of too much mischief. The lesson I’ve learned, which in reality I’ve known all along is: It’s me, not him. It’s my insecurities, worries & ‘mothers guilt’ that have held me back & apprehended me thus far from longer stints of ‘me’ time. I knew it would just be a matter of time before it felt right to leave him, & even though it wasn’t out of choice or an enjoyable ‘night’ for me, secretly I’m really proud of myself.

its all gravy, cool bananas, cool bananas blog,

Everyone’s circumstances & situations will vary, & of course sometimes these will dictate time spent away from your little munchkins: Work demands naming but one obstacle. & I Take my hat off to all of you whom find yourself in this predicament, who either out of choice or not, are able to part ways with your babies or toddlers for days, even weeks at a time. I pass no judgments; instead I admire your emotional strength. You most certainly won’t hear me offering ‘words of wisdom’, I don’t believe there is a right or wrong answer to this dilemma, & it’s a case of ‘different strokes, for different folks’. People should remain with an open mind & offer support, rather than a critique the choices we make.

The burning question is: am I looking forward to my next ‘night of freedom’? & Actually, my answer is yes: I’ll remain optimistic for that 5* spa break!!

How did you endure on your first night of separation, did you procrastinate as I? Or are you one of the bold I slightly envy for taking the plunge sooner?

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12 Comments

  1. 09/05/2014 / 2:17 PM

    I hope you are feeling better now. I haven’t had my first night away from Baby yet. I will be at BritMums….yikes! x

  2. 08/05/2014 / 7:06 PM

    I haven’t left my littlest one overnight yet and Britmums will be the first time – I am terrified! He will be 16 months which is still so little. It is definitely me though as I think he will be just fine! x

  3. 06/05/2014 / 3:58 PM

    Very wise words little one. Circumstances and situations are different for everyone, but sometimes we need that little push to get us over the first hurdle of trying something new! I, like you, am awful at leaving the kiddos. So much so that when Mr M took me away on an amazing holiday for my 30th, I cried the whole five days. I almost didn’t make it there in the first place. But a few years later and I’ve learned to let go a bit – to enjoy time alone or time with him, and let the kids enjoy time with grandparents – there are very few tears now. It gets easier as they get a bit older too I think, if that’s any consolation! Glad you are through your Op and on the mend anyway – let’s hope the next night away is for something more fun! Xxx

  4. 06/05/2014 / 12:19 PM

    With my first he used to stay at his nans alot, was nice but now i hate it it makes me sad he isn’t here funny that! With Ami it was last October and i had to drive back from Denmark as was 39 weeks pregnant and couldn’t fly my hubby came back with her i was gutted to miss both there first flights! My hubby is amazing with the kids i know he is fine there clothes may not match but its that peace of mind! Hope your feeling better now

  5. 05/05/2014 / 10:28 PM

    Firstly congratulations on the shortlist for the BIBs- very much deserved indeed. Secondly I am sorry to hear you have been poorly and in hospital. Not nice. Hope you are feeling better now, however routine going into hospital isn’t nice at all. Thirdly I agree with you that people should keep their opinions to themselves sometimes. If you don’t want to leave your baby it is up to you, it is a huge step and not fun when the matter is taken out of your hands. I didn’t leave Mads until about 11 months overnight and I had to go away to Brussels 2 nights with work- I hated every second. Since then I have left them both (LL only twice for one night at a time) a couple of times, and I must admit I do now enjoy the break but I always miss them terribly and it’s amazing when I see them again. x

  6. 05/05/2014 / 6:34 PM

    Oh its horrible isn’t it, I hated my night away when I went into hospital when the little boy was due… I was only in one night {should of been more considering the complications I had from the section but I wanted to be home!} Really hope your feeling better soon and back to your normal self. I think any surgery can take it out of you! xxx

  7. 05/05/2014 / 5:20 PM

    When my son is 4 months old he needs to go here in the UK for a surgery. He needs it. I cant go with him so he left me. I am so sad in those times but I know that he needs that travel. I was able to follow back and when I did he deosnt know me anymore. Wont react to my voice. Thats the most painful thing on earth. You own son. But he is okay now and he reacts to my voice more than anything now too. #OrdinaryMoments

  8. 05/05/2014 / 8:31 AM

    I hope you are feeling much better now hun. Sucks when your decision is taken from you. But sometimes in a good way. I was the same with Buba I didn’t leave him until almost 2 years old too overnight but with Missy Moo I think it was my 30th birthday spa break at 6 months old. Only because the opp didn’t come up. I do find it hard to leave others in charge I always have sticky notes everyway make all their meals set their clothes out and make a list of their routines I am that ocd control about them. Nothing wrong with that my lovely. Ignore those judgers I do! Lovely post. #ordinarymoments

  9. 04/05/2014 / 9:49 PM

    I hope you are feeling better or trying to take it easy. Not easy to do with a little one in tow. Loving the surgey stockings with sandles. Congratulations on the shortlist for the blogging award. Enjoy your bank holiday Lucy

  10. 04/05/2014 / 9:48 PM

    Congrats on being shortlisted in the BiBs! I left my 10 month old with a childminder for the first time last Monday. As I turned and waved goodbye I was overwhelmed by a strange feeling. He was fine the whole day! I think they cope better than we do! #ordinarymoments

  11. 04/05/2014 / 9:38 PM

    Great post hun! I hope you feel better and well done on your shortlist. We didn’t leave Isabelle until she was about 2 years old that was so hard. All I could think about was her and I wanted to go and see her. Still 5 years on and with Scarlett now I find it hard, but understand I do need a little break (even just for a few hours) x #ordinarymoments

  12. 04/05/2014 / 9:34 PM

    I have three children now and the first time I spent the night away from my first was when I had my second. I’m kind of the same as you. I always freak out at the thought of leaving them. I keep thinking that I’ll get over it. . . but I haven’t really haha. Oh well, maybe someday I’ll get better at it. Or maybe not 🙂

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